The Stranger
Albert Camus (tranlated by Stuart Gilbert)

04/09/2003
A man who doesn't care. A man who is not responsible. Who makes excuses. "It's not my fault," is his refrain. I'm feeling a lot of contempt for him. He doesn't judge anybody. I judge everyone.

04/10/2003

"The sun glinted on Raymond's revolver as he handed it to me. But nobody made a move yet.... And just then it crossed my mind that one might fire, or not fire -- and it would come to absolutely the same thing."

This is Mersault's philosophy of life. That ultimately, nothing matters. We're all going to die. So what does it matter what we do with our lives now, since the end will be the same for all of us. And yet, if that is his philosophy, then why live at all? I agree that it all comes down to the same thing in the end, but our actions in the present have consequences for our lives, no matter how short they are, in the future. Why do things to bring unhappiness upon ourselves? Or, if one is going to be so self-destructive, why not just shoot oneself now and get it over with?

From the final paragraph:

"It was as if that great rush of anger had washed me clean, emptied me of hope, and, gazing up at the dark sky spangled with its signs and stars, for the first time, the first, I laid my heart open to the benign indifference of the universe."

I feel the indifference of the universe. I wish I could feel it as benign. It scares me to think just how unimportant we all are. But still, I don't think that gives us license to do anything we want. We ARE part of something bigger. Life continues without us. The universe continues without us. But we are part of that indifferent universe -- a universe that works by cause and effect. What we do today affects the future of this world of which we are a part. Whether or not my own small consciousness will go on forever, consciousness (in general) will continue, and what right have I to knowingly cause it harm?