impermanence…

Vicki’s birthday party today was a challenge to my South Beach diet willpower, but I think I fairly succeeded. Then later, sitting in my office alone at the computer, the song, “Impossible,” by Joe Nichols, one of the singers on Jo Anne’s country music station, came through my ears…

…In thirteen years I’d never seen him cry,

But the day that grandpa died, I realized:

Unsinkable ships sink.

Unbreakable walls break.

Sometimes the things you think could never happen,

Happen just like that.

Unbendable steel bends.

If the fury of the wind is unstoppable,

I’ve learned to never underestimate,

The impossible.

OK, sappy, right? Just like most country/western songs. And I’m starting to PMS. But still… I suddenly had this vision, or feeling… sensation… of being so very very small… party of Dan Leone’s “humanonymity” maybe… who is just realizing how fragile, impermanent, everything is… but mostly how this realization has been made billions and billions of times by people since the beginning of people… a sea of tiny awakenings… and how it would go on and on as long as there are people… and how actually small and un-unique each of us is from the perspective of the universe…

In 21 Grams, Benicio del Toro loves to quote the Bible passage about how God knows when even 1 hair on your head moves. Incomprehensible, yeah? And yet it’s just the complexity of the universe. Too much for a human mind to comprehend. Filtering out things is crucial for sanity. Editing things down to manageable proportions. The problem is believing that the small chunk you carve out for yourself is all there is. Believing in your mind… that’s the path to a very rude awakening.

How in the world to close the door enough to live and yet leave it open enough for possibility? How indeed?

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